Just do it. Just fucking do it. Don't think it. Do it.
Be happy. Know how much you're worth.
Don't show anyone that you're miserable.
Don't trip.
Laziness and procrastination : FUCK YOU GO AWAY
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
well
things are looking up, i suppose.
met someone interesting. talented. friendly. pretty. someone i never thought i would get connected with. it's definitely a sign haha, but i dont wanna ruin it. just go with the flow, i suppose
met someone interesting. talented. friendly. pretty. someone i never thought i would get connected with. it's definitely a sign haha, but i dont wanna ruin it. just go with the flow, i suppose
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
fml
my parents found my cigarettes. i opened up to them for the first time in a while that I'm under a lot of pressure and stress. I feel so low right now. when will this mourning period end? if you could only knew how empty i feel and how miserable i've been. i have nothing now =(
Friday, February 11, 2011
i see you
online.. but im too scared to say anything. I just dont want you to feel pressured and forced. I dont want you to think im a lifeless psycho who has nothing to do. maybe i should just go to bed. i dunno how else to talk to you. even if i say anything you probably wont care.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
just feel like blogging before i shoot the basketball around. listening to street corner symphony performances from the sing-off. never gets old. i guess everyone wants to be loved and appreciated, and that includes me. a good friend of mine said i shouldn't even be worrying about stuff like that right now, and i need to get my focus on. I feel like i'm talking about the same shit in all these blogs. i was doing fine and i dont know why but i'm turning all emo again =( waaaaaa. i've been smoking like a chimney. I need God but I'm too much of a bastardly son to ask for His forgiveness. I need a reality check. I need something MAJOR to happen in my life. welps that's all for today. who knows, maybe something interesting will happen later on today and i'll write it here, if i feel like it.
Monday, January 24, 2011
just so you know
... these past 2 weeks have been pretty depressing, to say the least. my plan to go back to school in September is still good to go, it's just that I hate waiting. I have NO patience. This is bad. what the hell am i supposed to do for the next 8 months? Well, ok, i know I can start preparing for the GMAT test. And to be sure I turn in the applications. That's actually kind of important, huh. Fuck.
and yes, i've been feeling a little lonely. it sucks having no one to call/text whenever you need someone to talk to. if you're reading this (you know who you are), i commend you for sticking up to your goals, and for for once trying to make a relationship work. Sometimes i wonder, "where was all this effort when we were together?" but lets not lament on what happened in the past. we can always improve and work on the future, which is something we all should do. i havent been posting up a new entry in 2 weeks! dont mind the rustiness. til next time.
and yes, i've been feeling a little lonely. it sucks having no one to call/text whenever you need someone to talk to. if you're reading this (you know who you are), i commend you for sticking up to your goals, and for for once trying to make a relationship work. Sometimes i wonder, "where was all this effort when we were together?" but lets not lament on what happened in the past. we can always improve and work on the future, which is something we all should do. i havent been posting up a new entry in 2 weeks! dont mind the rustiness. til next time.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
do you think
.. that exes can remain friends? i'm still trying to put all the puzzle pieces together. i know in the back of my mind I believe that it's possible, even though i know it's going to be really tough. I just need to keep a few things in mind, i suppose.
1. PATIENCE. this is what I hate about myself. the past 7 days have felt like 7 weeks, and the reason why I feel that timeframe is so stretched out is because of my severe impatience. I get caught up so much into forcing and making things happen unnaturally that I stress out and lose my mind at times. Look at today! I decide to keep it cool and let things unfold on their own, and I got what I wanted; quality time with her. that's all I could ever hope for at this very moment. Both of us have our own priorities that we need to deal with, and we both want different things. Therefore it's only right to simply go with the flow. one day at a time. I am REALLY happy that today went perfectly. After spending time with her, exchanging ideas and stories, I feel like being friends is possible after all.
2. PERSEVERANCE. I need to be determined that I can make this work. I can't let my irrational-at-times, volatile emotions control me. I have to be strong. My psycho actions were the reason she was afraid of me. She was scared of losing me because she didnt want me to turn into a monster. I need to be strong. Didn't I just say it? but i really feel that way. I NEED TO BE STRONG. if youre strong mentally, then you can do whatever the hell you want. nothing can stop you.
3. JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE. we both agree that were still at a young age, therefore it's important to just go out there and do your thing. I keep getting sidetracked with worrying about my future life, that the fear of uncertainty and the troubling worrisome become a part of my daily life. I mean im not one of those guys that go into DGAF mode, I can't help but think about what's ahead of me. But while that's not a bad thing, that shouldn't stop me from enjoying what's going on right now. I have a wonderful life. I have a God, a loving family, awesome group of friends, and a healthy body. Why can't i just have fun, right?
anyhoo, its been kinda fun blogging; hopefully I can keep it up. Goodnight world
1. PATIENCE. this is what I hate about myself. the past 7 days have felt like 7 weeks, and the reason why I feel that timeframe is so stretched out is because of my severe impatience. I get caught up so much into forcing and making things happen unnaturally that I stress out and lose my mind at times. Look at today! I decide to keep it cool and let things unfold on their own, and I got what I wanted; quality time with her. that's all I could ever hope for at this very moment. Both of us have our own priorities that we need to deal with, and we both want different things. Therefore it's only right to simply go with the flow. one day at a time. I am REALLY happy that today went perfectly. After spending time with her, exchanging ideas and stories, I feel like being friends is possible after all.
2. PERSEVERANCE. I need to be determined that I can make this work. I can't let my irrational-at-times, volatile emotions control me. I have to be strong. My psycho actions were the reason she was afraid of me. She was scared of losing me because she didnt want me to turn into a monster. I need to be strong. Didn't I just say it? but i really feel that way. I NEED TO BE STRONG. if youre strong mentally, then you can do whatever the hell you want. nothing can stop you.
3. JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE. we both agree that were still at a young age, therefore it's important to just go out there and do your thing. I keep getting sidetracked with worrying about my future life, that the fear of uncertainty and the troubling worrisome become a part of my daily life. I mean im not one of those guys that go into DGAF mode, I can't help but think about what's ahead of me. But while that's not a bad thing, that shouldn't stop me from enjoying what's going on right now. I have a wonderful life. I have a God, a loving family, awesome group of friends, and a healthy body. Why can't i just have fun, right?
anyhoo, its been kinda fun blogging; hopefully I can keep it up. Goodnight world
Sunday, January 9, 2011
wow
what .. just.. happened .. today?
i thank God for keeping me safe and teaching me to walk away from a fight.
to be continued
i thank God for keeping me safe and teaching me to walk away from a fight.
to be continued
this past weekend
im currently listening/watching to the video of myself and Amy Collalela singing AT THE BEGINNING (soundtrack from that old animated movie Anastasia) . maybe I should upload it on youtube one day. Fuck it i'll do it right now hahah.. but wait. nevermind. i forgot that I have the hard copy of the video in my old hard drive. which got fried. Maybe i'll do it when I figure out a way to download it off my Facebook and reupload it later on utube. oh well. too much work. but this past weekend was pretty off the hook. I got together with my Freazy bandmates and worked on songs that were gonna perform at this thing in Irvine next week. We're getting paid too so that's a plus!!! then I killed myself eating AYCE sushi at miyagis. What a mistake. I gained like 4 something lbs, which I hope I can lose by not eating anything heavy for the next few days. hmmm what else? church was alright, i'm getting tired of seeing the church so packed because of the small space that we have there. we need a bigger place, yo! real talk. But anyways.. things aren't looking so bad for me, i suppose. I feel a lot better hanging out with my bros and keeping my mind off other things.
but yea, i did mention that i was gonna talk about my future plans in my last blog. soooo looks like I'm gonna go back to school starting next fall! the big question is, where at? I'm definitely gonna look into schools in Cali so i wont have to pay out-of-state tuition fees. My preference is either Cal State Fullerton or even San Bernardino. maybe i can room with Jason and other people? if he decides to go to LL for pharmacy school. But who knows. Plans change. People change. Or, if i really wanna go for it, I'd like to go to Cal Poly SLO. I'm thinking of either doing MBA or Masters in Accountancy. As i'm typing this im slowly losing interest, but maybe because i'm tired after pounding my digestion system with countless rolls of sushi and dos equis and after a productive, seemingly-endless practice session with my buddies. but nevertheless I had a blast this weekend. Of course i'm still thinking about how she's doing, but i'm not that concerned as before because I finally realize that things will be ok between me and her. ok ok time to go knock out. goodnight world
but yea, i did mention that i was gonna talk about my future plans in my last blog. soooo looks like I'm gonna go back to school starting next fall! the big question is, where at? I'm definitely gonna look into schools in Cali so i wont have to pay out-of-state tuition fees. My preference is either Cal State Fullerton or even San Bernardino. maybe i can room with Jason and other people? if he decides to go to LL for pharmacy school. But who knows. Plans change. People change. Or, if i really wanna go for it, I'd like to go to Cal Poly SLO. I'm thinking of either doing MBA or Masters in Accountancy. As i'm typing this im slowly losing interest, but maybe because i'm tired after pounding my digestion system with countless rolls of sushi and dos equis and after a productive, seemingly-endless practice session with my buddies. but nevertheless I had a blast this weekend. Of course i'm still thinking about how she's doing, but i'm not that concerned as before because I finally realize that things will be ok between me and her. ok ok time to go knock out. goodnight world
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
new year
well i dunno what made me decide to start one of these things, i used to have a xanga when i was in high school. Too bad I deleted all the entries so I can't look back and reflect on how I was back then, and compare it to myself today. It's the new year and I feel that THIS is the year where I will finally find out where I'm heading in life. What I will be doing for my career. What kind of person I will be for the rest of my life. I'm 23 but will I even see 24? At the rate things are going, i dunno. (Coolio the 90s rapper said that).
ok its a new year but 5 days going into 2011 I already feel like I am up for a challenging, tumultuous year. I feel like I'm slowly changing into a person that I don't wanna be. I still have the same old habits that push me back from moving forward (procrastination, lack of self-esteem, to name a few of the MANY MANY problems) and on top of that I have other issues added. Worries about my relationship with God, career, my social life, my love life, my health continue to loom around in my mind. I haven't been saying a word of prayer to God when things are going rough, which is probably the cause of all this stress and agony I'm in. Pastor Barizo (May God continue to bless him and his family) said that it's easy to thank God and praise Him when you are successful and living your dream, and that's why he's thankful when he experiences hardship because thats when he knows he can talk to God and come to Him to ask for His mercy. I'm blessed to have a special individual introduced to my life exactly 10 months ago, and while I wished that things didn't have to change between us, I guess for now things aren't clicking. I never thought I would be in pain and be sick and worried over what she's doing, all because while i think i care about her and want whats best for her (or what I THINK whats best for her) deep down im obsessed and possessive and selfish, and seeing her happy with other people and not with me makes my stomach turns into knots. I feel like I've failed. I used to be a laidback person who sees the good in the bad and now I complain and gripe about everything. My job isn't taking me anywhere, i'm making barely above minimum wage when I already have a degree. What the hell am I still doing there? Waiting and hoping for a promotion when I know that it's never gonna happen. I feel like with everything I do I set myself up just so i can fail and fall down. It saddens me that I find myself in my room doing nothing when my parents and my sister are together, planning activities for church and having some quality family time. I'm not jealous or anything, believe me. And i'm not feeling left out. I just feel so low of myself because I haven't done them proud with what I've been doing with my life. I've lost around 30 lbs. Ocassional exercising contributed to that loss, but most of it is because of my bad diet. I would starve myself so I can lose that weight. I used to be a fatass who would eat a california burrito, fish taco and carne asada fries all at the same time, and now I cant even stand the sight of a big plate of food. Well, I have my moments with food, actually. But its safe to say that my eating habit isnt like what it once was, which i guess could be a good or a bad thing.
anyhoo, i'll probably write about my goals this year tomorrow or something, i'm kinda tired from all the mind-numbing restless catastrophy at work that always seems to suck the life out of me. Goodnight
ok its a new year but 5 days going into 2011 I already feel like I am up for a challenging, tumultuous year. I feel like I'm slowly changing into a person that I don't wanna be. I still have the same old habits that push me back from moving forward (procrastination, lack of self-esteem, to name a few of the MANY MANY problems) and on top of that I have other issues added. Worries about my relationship with God, career, my social life, my love life, my health continue to loom around in my mind. I haven't been saying a word of prayer to God when things are going rough, which is probably the cause of all this stress and agony I'm in. Pastor Barizo (May God continue to bless him and his family) said that it's easy to thank God and praise Him when you are successful and living your dream, and that's why he's thankful when he experiences hardship because thats when he knows he can talk to God and come to Him to ask for His mercy. I'm blessed to have a special individual introduced to my life exactly 10 months ago, and while I wished that things didn't have to change between us, I guess for now things aren't clicking. I never thought I would be in pain and be sick and worried over what she's doing, all because while i think i care about her and want whats best for her (or what I THINK whats best for her) deep down im obsessed and possessive and selfish, and seeing her happy with other people and not with me makes my stomach turns into knots. I feel like I've failed. I used to be a laidback person who sees the good in the bad and now I complain and gripe about everything. My job isn't taking me anywhere, i'm making barely above minimum wage when I already have a degree. What the hell am I still doing there? Waiting and hoping for a promotion when I know that it's never gonna happen. I feel like with everything I do I set myself up just so i can fail and fall down. It saddens me that I find myself in my room doing nothing when my parents and my sister are together, planning activities for church and having some quality family time. I'm not jealous or anything, believe me. And i'm not feeling left out. I just feel so low of myself because I haven't done them proud with what I've been doing with my life. I've lost around 30 lbs. Ocassional exercising contributed to that loss, but most of it is because of my bad diet. I would starve myself so I can lose that weight. I used to be a fatass who would eat a california burrito, fish taco and carne asada fries all at the same time, and now I cant even stand the sight of a big plate of food. Well, I have my moments with food, actually. But its safe to say that my eating habit isnt like what it once was, which i guess could be a good or a bad thing.
anyhoo, i'll probably write about my goals this year tomorrow or something, i'm kinda tired from all the mind-numbing restless catastrophy at work that always seems to suck the life out of me. Goodnight
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)